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WHO IS IN CHARGE OF YOU???

 

In my experience, most of us think that we are in charge of ourselves.      Well I am saying that this is very rarely the truth!!

 

Perfectionist and People Pleaser

 

In my personal and professional life experience, I have found that the Perfectionist and People Pleaser are usually in charge and go hand in hand.  AND not unsurprisingly, come from childhood.   Unfortunately, both these parts of us can cause you to be exhausted, and cause exhaustion in those around you.

 

Perfectionist

 

Let’s start with the Perfectionist and I am sure it may be familiar to most of you.      There can be nothing more irritating than when you can’t let your guard down  – whether at work or at home – as you are afraid you will be found wanting.           And your voice in your ear  goes –

 

Must keep going regardless

Don’t show them you can’t manage

Can’t let this beat you!!

Nobody else will do it to your standards

What will others think of you if you are not 100%?

Can’t delegate because they might do it better

I don’t need anyone’s help

You don’t measure up to the Others

 

You might even have found that when you actually were successful, you were unable to allow the pleasure of completion and good words in, for a number of reasons –

 

You could have done it even better

You are now going to have to prove yourself again for the next task

It was a fluke or poor luck or chance ……..

They can’t see through you

 

Burnout

 

With all of the above going on, and rowing with yourself so you are being pushed and pulled in different directions – you’ll end up even more exhausted!!

 

People-Pleaser

 

I will touch briefly here on your People Pleaser – the part of you that –

 

tries to take care of everyone

tries to see that they were happy.

becomes over-responsible for others’ feelings

tries to bring about harmony

has a need to be liked

has a need to be included by all

  

This part has learned that she gets love and attention when she does the above and gives out what others’ want.   Once again, you end up exhausted and resentful of others around you.    Sometimes even, you can have physical symptoms – tension headaches, back or stomach problems, then there’s sarcasm, irritability, tears and anger and even moving into depression.

 

Your body is attempting to tell you that something is wrong.   You are nearing burnout.   You have swallowed down your own needs, allowed your drivenness and forgotten about yourself in the bigger picture of life.   This can happen in both your personal and professional life.

Addressing issues

 

Some ways to address what is going on is to

  • Become aware of how much you have a choice in being in charge of you
  • Owning and celebrating your achievements is essential
  • Asking for Help
  • Allowing your Vulnerability to be included
  • Stop beating yourself up and learn to love yourself
  • Know that Perfection is just an ideal – none of us achieve it
  • Stop covering yourself up and put all that energy to fun uses
  • And finally to learn to say ‘NO’ and to put up BOUNDARIES

 

If you want to overcome your Self-Doubt so you can really acknowledge you are in charge of You, I’d love you to contact me.     I will ‘sit alongside you and have your back’ as you don’t have to keep proving you are a capable, strong, organised, talented Woman while you take action to live out your dreams.   Contact me on irene@irenebrankin.co.uk  or through my website www.thevisiblewoman.com

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