I DON’T NEED ANYONE
I am going to be talking again about what can happen when we don’t own a part of our reality. Yes, I am talking about our neediness or to put it another way – ‘lost and found in this lonely planet’
Many of us go around these days saying something along the lines of ‘I DON’T NEED ANYONE’ –
I can do it all by myself
I am an independent woman
I don’t need help
I wouldn’t ask for help anyway
Don’t tell me what to do
If you are like me, it may have something to do with the word ‘need’ that could make you cringe, cause you to feel some shame and know you definitely don’t want to be called that – needy. No way, Jose – that is not me!!!
And yet your neediness is part of your development, and it only becomes an issue when you don’t see yourself as an individual first.
What is Neediness
Neediness is a form of dependency which is not in itself a bad thing at all – in fact, it is totally normal and acceptable as we needed this to survive and stay alive.
It affects us all from birth as we all have fears of abandonment – nobody is an island. It’s our fear of being excluded and on our own – so we needed to be part of something – to belong.
The pain of loss is still within us and that’s what makes us vulnerable in life. We don’t want to be left or lost and on our own feeling excluded. We want to be found and be part of something – included.
Remember, you and I are interdependent. As I’ve already said, it is the human condition that we are not meant to be alone and isolated and, of course, I know that this can happen to us without choosing it. What I am saying is – yes, be an individual and also acknowledge that it is the human condition to be part of ……….. Then you can acknowledge you are independent and also inter-dependent.
Clinginess is an extreme form of dependency which isn’t normal (and not talking about babies here), and can be seen as desperation and then there can be a problem or two!
This over-neediness is your own issue as it comes from past damage that has affected your self-esteem. In our make-up, we all lack something. Do you know a perfect human being?? Nor me. The norm is to think that someone else will make us whole – two parts of the same coin – not so!!
Indispensable nourishment for our Soul
All of us, in some form or another, are needy – have neediness – however much we think or say we are not.
We all need to be seen, acknowledged, be included and to be part of something whether a group, a community, a family……………………… It is indispensable nourishment for our soul. When this need isn’t met, it leads to pain inside you that is all the more searing when you are conscious of it.
What do we do about it? The main thing for me is that we can all forget to ask for help and support. It is as simple and as hard as that!! The important thing is the asking as until you ask, you can’t receive anything different from what you have now. If you are lucky enough (and I have), sometimes a person or people will be there for you spontaneously as they are aware that you simply need that support and don’t want anything from you – this can be rare.
Remember there is no harm at all in being vulnerable and asking for HELP when you need to. Even you strong, driven, successful women need help at times too!!