Okay, here is my rant about the Takers in life.
You might have met some of them indepth or simply in passing.
In my opinion, these are the ones who
- Talk too much about themselves
- Talk too much about what they do
- Tell you what they can do for you (whether they can or not!) totally inappropriately
- Take over the conversation all the time
- Seem unable to realise that you would like to share too
- Don’t see that your eyes have glazed over
- Leave you exhausted and yet you’re not sure why
- Don’t pick up on any signals from you or others that it’s time to move on
- Cut in before you have finished and tell you that that’s happened to them
- Are always telling you their problems/crises
- Offer to help and somehow it becomes ‘Oh you’ve finished! You should have asked!’
- Promise they’ll circulate your information/blogs/newsletters and you never see them on their Social media
- Say – ‘Oh I really love what you’re doing and I’ll come’ AND don’t let you know they’re not
- Say ‘Oh, you don’t drink so maybe you could pick us up’ regardless
I could go on and on AND maybe you can share any of your Takers’ behaviours.
I know that I take on occasions as I’m only human. AND what I’m talking about here is the total lack of awareness that anyone else exists except them!
I am encouraging us all to begin to say – NO simply and clearly; Move away from their monopoly of you or the group; Say clearly – we have to move on; On an appropriate occasion, tell them in private what you’ve observed (scarey one) and see what their response is …
My 2nd Book, ‘I Don’t Care – The Art of Divine Indifference’ touches on this kind of unaware behaviour and, where I am in my life, I don’t want to waste any more of my time.
Anyone else joining me in not wasting our time and energy?
Hi Irene – yes such people can be frustrating. However, it usually masks the fact that they have deep challenges in their life and they are projecting their distress. Such people are used to others not really listening to them or making excuses to move away and so they become oblivious to it and move on to the next victim. I’ve found that if you can spear the time to really listen (in the way that Stephen Covey suggests – seek first to understand before wanting to be understood) they tend to shut up much faster and make room for others. Big Hugs 🙂
Well said!
We’re all encouraged to give and to give without expectation, but when a taker latches onto you? Well it becomes soul destroying.
Thanks, Sarah, that’s exactly what I’m saying about being soul destroying – which is only really recognised through our body and exhaustion. xx
I’m doing another version for tomorrow whilst working on today’s one but off out after lunch time so that may be my blog!!! x
Hi Ola, for your lovely comments and I know what’s usually behind it. Where I am in my life, I truly don’t care at times and I move on as smooth as I can xx
I think there are people who are genuine Takers, and there are some who are in that place because they are quietly suffering, may be socially anxious, lonely or just haven’t been able to develop the social nous that comes easily to others. I think it’s very difficult to tell the difference between the two, and agree it can be exhausting behaviour to encounter. I do worry that the current vogue for ‘positivity at all costs’ and ensuring ‘negative’ people aren’t in your space could sometimes cause exclusion of people that could just do with a moment of support. But I completely understand where you’re coming from; I think we all chose at times not to be there and listen. But I also think we have to be grateful for people who do; I know I have had cause to be very grateful to those people who have been prepared to listen to me in my distress at times in my life. And to those who have been prepared to kindly say ‘ it’s time to get help/move on/let go’.
Jenny, I’m in alignment with what you say and don’t worry I do give space for the genuine ones who need support. AND, as I’ve said to Ola, there’s times when I simply don’t care xx