(A line which marks the limits of an area; a dividing line; limit of something)
‘You’ve just crossed the line there’ (or similar) is something that can be heard quite a lot whether directly to you, or on the TV, etc., and you may even have said it yourself.
For me, what is being said here is all about BOUNDARIES. Someone has just crossed your line, or you’ve reached your limit.
Unfortunately, this can be a difficult area for most of us as we are frightened that others won’t like us, or they will be hurt. They’ll think we are an angry person – dreadful! They’ll be offended and we must apologise or make it right for ever more!
Losing the will to live!
Have you ever sat in a group or been party to another person who goes on and on about themselves or something totally not in line with your relationship or the topic or task in hand? I have and I know it is not so easy particularly when you like the person who seems to have lost any awareness and what is happening to others – fidgeting, eyes looking anywhere but at them, silence, spaced out, doodling, needing toilet, body gestures saying ‘I want to be anywhere but here’– HELP!! You’ve lost the will to live!!!
What most of us have learned is that ‘nice’ people listen and allow others their space, and you mustn’t appear or be angry. And yet having Boundaries or even – can I say it? – ANGER and any variation of it – irritation, awareness of yourself and others’ needs too – is a gift. It is this awareness of your own feelings that helps you to have clear boundaries particularly around what you value – your RESPECT for yourself. In fact, it is very rare that you will feel angry about things or people that mean nothing to you – anger identifies who and what’s important to you.
It gives you the strength you need to stand up for yourself and what you value without hurting others or abandoning yourself. You can set clear, strong and loving boundaries around YOU, your relationships, others, justice, the environment or anything else you know you care about.
Do you know that it is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself, your social and emotional health? Not enough of us have boundaries when it is important to us.
I’m not saying that it’s wrong to be a listening ear at times – most of us need that to let off steam, share and be listened to. It’s the realisation one day of ‘Well what was that all about? What happened to me? Why do I feel drained and want to beat the hell out of something or someone!! This is when the realisation begins to dawn that you have allowed this to happen too often. Somehow, YOU have allowed yourself to disappear in the equation.
You have somehow come to think that you’re non-existent and have forgotten about You. AND even worse YOU have allowed others to overlook you too. Where has the RESPECT for Yourself gone??? If you don’t have RESPECT for yourself, how can anyone else?
You could scream and shout when you are at home, probably best on your own – beat the hell out of making the bed or something or other – go to bed and pull the duvet over your head and disappear yourself! Laugh at yourself. Or you could begin to see what is right for you in how you handle yourself in these situations and realise that it is time for you to say NO and move on. It’s time to say to yourself that you are not allowing this to happen anymore. You don’t want or need this person or group and start bringing about changes.
Catch yourself the next time it happens – the giving yourself away or being a dumping ground for others – and see how it feels to be honest with yourself!
Stop forgetting about YOU. Stop disappearing Yourself. Stop needing to be liked and thought of as ‘such a nice person’ so much that you give yourself away. Stop being so generous with yourself is my retort to those who begin to realise that this is happening to them – their boundaries are being crossed.
ENOUGH! I know you will feel much lighter and clearer. Life is for YOU too.
If you’d like to explore and have conversations on subjects like this, join my Facebook Group. It’s called SIFITY (Stop It, Fuck It, Thank You) and it’s for those women who are on the road to facing their denial and owning ‘I Am Enough’.