You will all know those times when you say, ‘I feel … ‘ whatever it is you feel. What doesn’t seem to happen is that you don’t ask yourself, “what else do I feel?” You see, for example, anger might be the predominant feeling you have and yet you rarely check what else is it you are feeling underneath or alongside that anger.
Why I am bringing it up now is that sometimes you can walk around for days thinking that you are tired – yes, of course, you are – and I am saying that you could be ignoring the fact that you are also pleased with how you are coping with the causes of that tiredness. I am talking about myself here with all that has been happening in my life! I am so busy holding on to my tiredness as I don’t want to own how pleased I am with myself too, as I get more sympathy that way! Oh yes, we human beings are so mysterious or devious!
I mentioned above about feeling angry and yet you can overlook the fact that you are hurting underneath that anger. You are so busy holding on to the anger because you don’t want to own the hurt – too painful for most of us usually – and you don’t want to own your vulnerability, your pain, and your tears. It is easier to tell yourself (and anyone else who will listen) I am so angry at or with whoever or whatever than to say that you are hurting too.
And, in my opinion, it could be that on those occasions when you say you are hurting, that underneath is anger!
As most of you well know, I have been going on about ‘Both-And’ for years and years e.g. I feel excited AND I also feel scared. As a rule, we usually see everything as separate.
Our feelings serve important purposes and there’s many a mismatch between them, and what we say and do!
What we don’t seem to realise is (took me a long time to work this one out) that our feelings aren’t separate. They communicate with one another. They look after each other. And definitely work together to protect us – even if we don’t actually need that protection – they think we do!!! They are ready for everything that affects us – the good, the bad and the ugly!
So when you tell yourself – I am angry – you can bet that hurt is in there as well as our protector part to help us to feel safe. Our feelings all interplay. And they are crucial to our ability to be the best we can be regardless of what is going on for you.
Finally, there are so many awful happenings in the world at present, and, for some, in their personal lives too. I still don’t know what life is all about even if I thought I did! I realise that I don’t have any control of it, not really, except how I react to the happenings in my life – however much I think good thoughts, say affirmations, etc., I am not in control.
All I can do is to remember that we are all interconnected and go from there while being the best I can be at any one time.
I leave you with this by a Native American –
‘The tragedy of life isn’t death but what we let die inside of us’
If you’d like to explore and have conversations on subjects like this, join my Facebook Group. It’s called SIFITY (Stop It, Fuck It, Thank You) and it’s for those women who are on the road to facing their denial and owning ‘I Am Enough’.