Admitting to Loneliness
Here I am once again blogging on a topic we don’t normally talk about so let’s go.
Isolation
When you don’t have that human interaction, which is a fundamental need for us all, right from the word go when we come into the world, our experience of pain is more pronounced. Yes, I can hear all you animal lovers that animals give us so much too – I’ve not forgotten that! Nowadays some hospitals and homes allow dogs, in particular, in so people can stroke them and receive comfort. And you need to be able to talk to someone rather than being isolated. That isolation can make you feel that you are an outsider looking in on the world’s happenings whether good, bad or indifferent – particularly with what’s going on at the moment.
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Chatting to strangers
Isn’t it wonderful when someone really sees you, chats and smiles at you for no reason at all? In this day and age, it can also cause consternation as it’s not ‘normal’ for most. I know for me, growing up in Glasgow, strangers would tell you their life stories while you were waiting on the bus and ask you where and why you were going where you were going!!! They asked simple questions like ‘And where are you off too?’ and you answered them. You usually came away with a smile on your face.
No wonder social media is so popular as you can have loads of ‘friends’ through it. Yes, it can really serve us all in that way when you want to be ‘out there’. Except it can also cause us to become dependent on the so-called friends’ responses that’s an issue. What I am saying is that it’s only when there is no ‘real’ interaction that problems can start.
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After 20 years of research, an American Cardiologist found that no other factor in medicine ‘not diet, smoking, exercise, stress, genetics, drugs, surgery’ affects our health, quality and length of life more than feeling loved and cared for. I would say that this very interesting and important finding has been ignored too often, wouldn’t you? I’ve not heard many shout it from the rooftops! I have to say thanks to Isaac George for drawing my attention to this information.
I remember many moons ago when I was doing research on depression for one of my degrees, time and time again I found that one of the main support mechanisms was the interaction with others. It was being able to share and talk with someone and feel that they could lean on them even for a little while.
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One thing to remember is that there is a difference between loneliness and choosing to be alone. When it’s the latter, you can draw our strength from those times of perhaps being quiet, writing, painting, pottering around the garden or house, having a good cry or scream, watching TV or simply ‘being’. You like our own company as well as the company of others so you have a choice.
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There are those who have no respite from their loneliness perhaps through bereavement, divorce, poor health or those whose family are no longer around. And it can be so, so difficult for some of you when feeling lonely to be brave and do something about it as your home is your place of comfort and it can be your prison. It takes a lot of courage and I applaud you when you take it on board to make the first step outside your comfort zone and particularly go along to some activity on your own.
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Most of us feel lonely at some time in our life. I know I have at different times, and have particularly in the past when I was ill. It’s perfectly normal and you needn’t feel ashamed of the feeling – it’s all part of the spectrum of pain, sadness, fear, joy, love and faith.
Sometimes just to keep going in life can be an extraordinary feat in itself and demonstrates the human resilience. I can’t believe at times what people have had to overcome in their lives (including myself). As I’ve said above, it’s an act of courage to confront our fear of living, taking one day at a time and carrying on anyway. Few of us truly acknowledge and appreciate ourselves for doing this.
Life is not easy, let’s be honest and it is amazing when unexpected things happen and we feel vibrant and alive.
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Go Well and if you want someone to accompany you on your journey for a wee while then contact me to book a session.
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it was a gr8 blog about loneliness and alone. Its true aloneness and loneliness r two different feelings. But i believe we can b lonely but never be alone coz God is alwys there with us. Being spiritual by worshiping God 5times a day and remembering God everyday can never make a human feel alone.
Loneliness comes with the thought of ‘dejection’ ‘failure’ or a ‘loss’ and its indeed a painful emotion. But this too can be ressolved by patience,tolerance and faith we get thru prayer.
It can never be worn off until we “Want to”. As self sympathy is the biggest enemy that stands at the threshold of our mind. The day we gt rid of this insect half the battle is won.
Thank you for such a compassionate message about what one presenter on a TEDx talk said recently, was the biggest epidemic in the world today: loneliness
Blessings,
Isaac
Thank you, Isaac, for more information for me to add to my knowledge xx
Thank you, Ayesha, for taking the time to comment on my blog xx
Thank you again, Irene, for a very insightful and helpful post. I particularly like this line – “keep extending yourself with acceptance, gentle understanding and compassion – stop judging yourself”. Do you have a meme of this? I’d like it as a reminder. If not, can I make one for you?
A pleasure, Kae, and lovely to receive your feedback. I also like that line. I don’t know what a neme is and you can make one for me as I trust you whatever it is xx
You raise a topic that is as important as it is prevalent. Learning to be alone is a skill that will stand us all in good stead, I feel. When it is a choice, enjoying our own company is a wonderful thing. But being alone, as you say, is not the same as loneliness. And when we are fortunate enough not to feel lonely that is the time to remember to reach out to others who might be, and hope that someone else will reach out to us when we are. What goes around comes around. Thanks for sharing.
Hello Corinne, thank you for your lovely response. Yes – it is definitely a different matter when choice, and the awareness of others being on their own, is involved as you say. Irene x
Thanks for raising this important topic with such heart and sensitivity Irene.
Thank you, Helen, for your heartwarming words as I don’t know my blogs will be received xx
Living alone , not out of choice andfeeling trapped by mental health and depression and suicide thoughts is tough .I tell myself there’s always someone worse off. Least ive a roof over my head and my cat .
A few ideas I picked up from you and others comments though. Thankyou
Marie, thank you for taking the time to leave a comment – you are one of the bravest women I know as you picked yourself up and started in a new direction AND it can be lonely on your own xxx