Are you found wanting?


Have you ever experienced that feeling of ‘being found wanting’? Well, I am one of the ones who have! Yes, I have known this myself as well as worked with other women who have too. As a matter of fact, having a lack of self-esteem concerns me.


Why? Because you don’t always realise that you are searching for wholeness which includes having self-worth in the face of those feelings of worthlessness that come in every now and again. And you don’t deserve those feelings!!

Perhaps it is a little more understandable when your normal way of being is to be shy or introverted and want to hide away – not be visible. You can then make excuses that it is fine for those who are out there as they are more extroverted than you and are better able to be ‘out there’ rather than YOU putting yourself forward.

And yet it is the qualities and abilities of WOMEN like you that make the world go around. You don’t have to be the loud, in your face kind of woman to have good self-esteem!!! You can have it and be quiet, loud or anything in between!! In my opinion, self-esteem has nothing to do with how you behave (loud or quiet) – it is to do with how comfortable you are in your own shoes.


Many of you have forgotten or even hidden away, what a wealth of qualities, experience and knowledge that’s inside you and can be tapped into in order to really see yourself. Unfortunately, you may have taken on board what you were told about yourself when you were growing up, and that’s when you found yourself wanting!! You were never the sportiest, prettiest, talented, brainiest, popular, kindest, talkative, creative… girl around and so thought all the others were somehow superior to you. And so, you bought into your lack through the criticism or comments from others.

This cycle then repeats itself, as it is easier to buy into the lack coming from others around you than to step into ‘the world is your oyster’ feeling of self-worth – the feeling that says, ‘I am fine as I am’, ‘I am Me and You are You’.


When you were disapproved of then (and perhaps nowadays too), you handled it on the surface but inside you may even (in amongst the pain) have felt you deserved it somehow or another! This can be a life-long journey to change this belief that you deserve rejection and you are not worthwhile. And, a downside perhaps of this is that you may do all you can to get revenge on that person or those people in order for you to feel better about yourself. To be truthful, that doesn’t truly work either (well perhaps for a wee while) as it’s an inside job!!

Shadow and Spiritual Development

There could be a hundred good reason as to why you feel bad about yourself unbeknownst to others. You may not feel that you have actually earned the right to have self-worth. You see, self-worth, self-esteem or self-confidence have to be earned. These come from knowing yourself very well, including facing your Shadow (the parts we’ve hidden away) and your spiritual development, so that you are able to say, ‘I love, respect and am proud of myself – warts and all’.

Found Wanting

You then no longer need to be scared that somehow you will be found out as ‘wanting’. You know you are only human and you behave in ways that you respect and are no longer afraid of those hidden parts as you know what gifts they have to offer you.

You are Worthy!

I would say ‘Stand Tall, Face the World with your Head held High’ (whether you are introvert or extrovert) and know that you love yourself and are entitled to be here and part of life. You are Worthy!!

I’d love to have your comments – thanks.

Irene Signature

If you’d like to explore and have conversations on subjects like this, join my new Facebook Group? It’s called SIFITY (Stop It, Fuck It, Thank You) and it’s for those women who are on the road to facing their denial and owning ‘I Am Enough’ x


Feel Free to Share (click the + for other options):

2 Responses

  • Hello Irene, I’ve have just read this excellent piece twice; I know I will come back to it again to extract more of the rich wisdom.
    Currently I am acknowledging how incredible I’ve been to have got this far (it’s not easy to publicly give myself this credit) and am playing with the concept of stepping forward to sharing some of my abilities with others. For some reason ‘the feeling unworthy’ to put myself out there has risen it’s head but also a knowing that with patience and work I can resolve this unhelpful pain.
    Thank you for leading the way.
    Love and blessings.

  • Thank you, Cathy, for taking your courage in both hands and sharing your unease about owning your journey. Draw on that inner faith in yourself to challenge your pain. I know you will do it. Love and Blessings to You xxx

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *