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I am quite sure you will all have your own acronym for FEAR.    Today I happen to like Fuck Everything And Run because of the kind of mood I am in!!

I decided to focus on fear today as I see fear as an innate part of the human condition or experience, and therefore it is important to include that in, in any of your dealings with your clients. 

It is a real challenge, and can definitely be scarey, to go outside the norms placed upon us whether by society or ourselves.   And that can be why when you appear to be offering a tremendous opportunity to others, they can withdraw from the relationship with any kind of excuse – or even none!

Fear of Change 

You need to be aware that it may have nothing at all to do with you and your offering and may have all to do with the person’s fear of change – stepping outside the norm they are presently in. 

It is also really important for you to acknowledge that it is normal to be nervous when trying new things or considering new offers, especially when they may be challenging or even can seem a little dangerous.   Remember that even if they are really excited, this can be scarey too! 

Courage Muscle

They, and you, may not always take into consideration that having courage is like a muscle that needs to be exercised on a daily basis.    Not everyone is ready when life calls upon us to be brave and take a risk, however, small it may seem to you.


You could ask them that if everything goes wrong, what’s the worst case scenario they can imagine?   You could also ask, what’d it take for them to return to their norm – if this is what they want?   This can take the pressure off so they don’t feel hassled by you – never mind themselves.


It is up to you to support your possible clients in learning how to negotiate with their fear rather than trying to overcome it.   It would be supporting them to acknowledge it by you suggesting that they –

thank it 

tell it you’re aware that it’s trying to hold you back because it is frightened for you 

and that you’re still going to jump(or take the offer) 

take a deep breath and do it! 

Protection Blanket 

Remember,  don’t forget you don’t normally want to let go of anything that has been your protector, however, much you say – ‘I just want to get rid of whatever is holding me back’.   It’s been their protection blanket from the past which has served them well but now has become their prison.   Your fear can definitely overcome what you think you want when you allow it to be in charge!!  


I have said before that with exploration eventually awareness will come that there are also many good, expansive and unusual qualities in fear too.   It contains your potential too and most don’t realise that.

Then What?

I’ve found that, in my opinion, the initial motivation underneath all the issues that women bring into therapy come from pain.   They want to have freedom from pain.  And this is what their fear is all about as they can be left with ‘then what?’


Irene x

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4 Responses

  • Interesting post, Irene.

    For me, acknowledging and thanking the part that’s running the fear is key as it does indeed have a positive intent to protect. It’s usually seeing the situation from the perspective of a 5 year old though, and given an information update and some reassurance can generally be brought back on board to become a powerful ally.

    Rather than muscling through, which can be done but always at a cost, I try so see fear as a sign that I’m on a path to growth that will take me beyond the comfort zone. Then get curious about the part that’s running the fear so it can be healed.

    Not always easy, I know, but so worth the effort in the longer term.

    Thanks for a thought provoking post with some great practical tips.

  • Two things I really liked, one and this make me laugh was your definition of fear and the second was that courage was a muscle and needed exercising.

    Thank you

  • Thanks, Linda, for your informative comments and time taken. No it’s not always easy to see what our fear is all about and it’s important that we include it as it does have so much to offer us. Irene xx

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